Vampy's Weblog - Life of a Medical Officer

Hmm..I wonder...whether my prayers were answered... Just yesterday, I was at one of the lowest point of my time as a medical student... I mean it's not one disastrous event that brought me down but an accumulation of comments, remarks that were made in the course of this year by my consultants that finally hit me...

Sure I have receive glowing comments from come consultants but receive equally bad comments from other consultants. I guess I was dwelling on the more negative aspects of my experience. Usually, I am able to take it in my stride but yesterday I felt like I was the worst student ever. The consultant was't even mean at all but I guess it's comments he made about my presentation that just finally cause me to have doubts about my abilties...

Follow up:

I was repeatedly asking myself last night, whether if this was a right choice for me and why does it seem that I can't get my act together. I did not arrive at an answer but I asked the higher powers up there to help me find an answer... and I guess to an extent my request was granted...

I was asked to see a patient today and it started alright. Asked the patient's problems and so on and suddenly, the patient broke down... The patient started sobbing and trying to wipe the tears away...So I stopped the interview and ask what was wrong... and the patient told me that recently a very close friend was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and had similar symptoms that the patients now had and was worried that it may be also pancreatic cancer and the patient didn't know if it was true then how to break the news to the family and wonders how the grandchildren would take the news and told me how close they were...

All this time, I was willing the patient not to cry cos' when patients cry my tears just well up and I have to put in a lot of effort to stop myself from braking down. At the same time, I had to console the patient and say that just because the symptoms are similar does not necessarily mean that it's the same disease. The patient was also rather anxious about the investigation that was going to be done in particular about the sedation that is going to be used... I told the patient toclarify those doubts with the surgeon and the team cos' it's the right of the patient to know and completely understand what's going to happen during the procedure. The patient also kept apologizing for crying but I said it's normal to be anxious about the unknown and be afraid of what the unknown is and it's better to let it all out then to bottled it up.

After a while the patient calmed down and said that was glad to be able to talk to me about what was going through the mind. I felt at that point of time that yes, this was why I got into medicine - to be able to help a patient in any way I can even if it just means holding the patient's hands and listening... So I found myself again and though the patient felt that I had helped in actual fact he was helping me see the light again... So thank you, A!